shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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