Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
