We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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