I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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