If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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