your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
