i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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