What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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