i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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