I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
