He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
