Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
