I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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