I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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