why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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