I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
