he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
