saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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