He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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