I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
