how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
