Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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