the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
