Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
