he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
