At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
