I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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