even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
