I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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