You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
