i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
