So drunk its hurt
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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