I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
