i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
