he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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