I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
