I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
