the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
