The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cut my penus on the lid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
