I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
