i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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