im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
