And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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