Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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