Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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