I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
