Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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