Dual....:-)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
