Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
