I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
