Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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