Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
